yes you read that right.

I’m a crybaby and I’m not ashamed of it either. I believe in talk therapy and crying things out if you need to. Maybe not in public if you can help it, but honestly I don’t see much of a problem with that either. I think people shelter their feelings so much that we even hide them from ourselves, and if you can’t even be real with yourself about how you feel, then you’re not going to be able to grow past whatever point that you’re at.

I’ve been a crybaby my whole life. You may be tempted to believe that it was because I was spoiled as a kid, and lacked discipline – and as much as I’d love to unpack my trauma – I’ll spare you the details by simply stating that was not the case. Whenever I would work up the courage to speak about my problems, I would start crying uncontrollably. Unable to get the words out.

As I got older, I started to get better at holding the tears back. I’d still cry when I got flustered but I’d at least be able to continue to talk it out. 

I eventually got good at masking, but not good enough. I’ve been told I act like I don’t care about a lot of things, which probably sounds absurd to someone who actually knows me – and while I am particularly good at keeping my composure in public.. well, as I said, I am a crybaby.

My whole life I’ve been spoon fed scriptures, a lot of them didn’t hold much meaning until I made the decision as an adult to follow Christ. One of those that comes to mind is Psalm 126:5 KJV “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy”. I want to say that I cried a lot in the 2 years leading up to me joining the Navy, but the truth is that it probably wasn’t that much more than any other time in my life. What was different, however, was how intense my faith in God was, and how actively I sought after doing God’s will. Which is why that scripture was so important, because no matter how much I cried, I knew that my tears were an investment for the greater things to come.

I went into Navy boot camp August of 2023 thinking that nothing could shake my faith in God and that my spirit was so pure and strong. I cried almost everyday. Until I didn’t. The day I got set back in training due to a stress fracture, I was inconsolable. I might’ve had one or two more breakdowns while I was in holding before I got transferred to the division I later graduated with, but once I got out of holding, there was nothing to cry about anymore. I knew I had overcome the worst. 

I was the most numb I’ve ever been in the months that followed after my graduation from boot camp. For a little while I had to be pretty drunk to start crying or even to feel my emotions at all. I know that’s not what you want to hear from me, but it’s the truth. I can’t tell you at what point my tear glands decided they no longer needed assistance, but it didn’t take long. Again, I’m not ashamed to have feelings and experience my emotions, it’s a part of life. I consider it a privilege to still be able to feel anything at all.

Which brings me to the point I’m at right now. I’m doing pretty well in the Navy and the Navy pretty much takes care of all of my needs. I’m not lacking in anything. I of course have dreams and ambitions for my life outside of the Navy, and there will always be things that are outside of my control. With that being said, if someone hurts my feelings, I’m going to cry it out. If I feel anxious and overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do, I’m going to cry it out. When the Holy Spirit speaks to me and reminds me that I need to seek the Lord in prayer, I will – and I’m also going to cry it out. I highly

encourage you to do the same.

Crying in an of itself does not make you weak. Crying and not doing anything to help yourself and fix the problem you are crying about is what makes you weak. If what you are crying about is outside of your control and there is literally nothing you could possibly do besides just “ride it out” that’s OK. You’re still weak, but even that’s not so bad… that is, if you believe as I do in what 2 Corinthians 12:10 ESV says “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Crying is a release. Crying is a tool. I was more frustrated when I lost the ability to cry (without being intoxicated) because I was stuck and unable to move through what I was feeling. I had no choice but to leave the toxic orb of whatever I was going through inside of me. We desperately need an outlet, and we need to be our own safe space. and yes at my big age I do feel embarrassed to cry in front of other people so I try my best to control my emotions, but when I’m alone I take comfort in the fact that I can console myself.

When the challenges of life are… particularly challenging… and my emotional storage baskets have reached max capacity to the point I feel I need to set myself free, I can truly say that a good ole sob session is nothing short of euphoric. 

I know that there are some sick sadistic people out there who take pride in being able to witness someone in a vulnerable state, and even enjoy watching others cry. There are some who believe that showing emotions is weakness and they pass these unhealthy ways of thinking down throughout their generations – but as for me and my house, we will heal, and we will be able to freely feel whatever it is that we do. Only when we can face our feelings can we overcome them. 

I know I should be shy to talk about all this on the internet but honestly I don’t care. I don’t think it gets talked about enough and I’m not afraid to be vulnerable. I know the one who cares for me and who wipes away my tears. I also think it’s funny when people think they’ve “gotten to me” and maybe they have… lol maybe I will go cry about it if you hurt my feelings, but I will be smiling by the next business day – BECAUSE I cried it out.

I’m a Flower that is constantly growing. Can we be Buds? Can we root for each other and watch each other grow? Thank you for visiting my blog. Stay a little while longer, and read a little bit more. Until next time, XOXO